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What the Hell was I Thinking?

Posted: July 1, 2009
Ok, so what I have been learning is that we create our own illusion and I get that. But, when you start looking at your life and the events that have transpired throughout, you have to wonder, 'what the hell was I thinking?'

For instance, I have been married twice. Now, my first marriage was not bad really, it ended in all truth, because I got very depressed. My mother passed away suddenly and I gave birth to my second son 11 days later. I was spiraling down a path that would eventually lead to my journey to self.

But still, what the hell was I thinking, he is an alcoholic, my second husband was loaded with addictions. My own father was not an abuser of alcohol, so why did I choose these men? I had a wonderful role model in my father for husband material.

I have questioned my choices in life alot and found that in doing that I was actually keeping them close and allowing them to control my life. I was questioning but I wasn't open to hearing the answers.

The thing is, the past is the past. You can't undo it, so figure out what inspired you to make those choices and as soon as they rear their ugly heads, destroy them. Let them know that they are no longer in control. You are in control.

Well, how do you do that? I did it a couple of ways. One is I got really tired of my life, it just wasn't working. I was loaded with stress. So, I gave up! I gave it all up to God! I just completely gave up. Then something happened instantaneously. I felt a tremendous sense of peace rush over me and I started listening.

I was lead to many places, all of which were instrumental in the healing of myself. So the next thing I did was trust in myself, trust in God. I started understanding that I have carried around some really aweful programs in my head not just in this lifetime, but many others. I used Intuitive Powers training, among others, to be able to get to many of the issues from other lifetimes and give them up; forgive and not be afraid to love who I am.

I know I will continue to face challenges, that is part of the healing and growing process, but now when I am faced with them I can, first and foremost, laugh whole heartedly and say, 'what the hell was I thinking?' and then the healing begins and the new illusion emerges.
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RE: What the Hell was I Thinking?
By: wadupd - July 2, 2009 09:46 AM MST
Very inspiring Donna.
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